


I hate u, I love u

by Fijou



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M, Saphael, set after ep13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:49:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6494308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fijou/pseuds/Fijou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Raphael is hurt but can't help but love Simon anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate u, I love u

**Author's Note:**

> I just love the song I hate u, I love u by gnash feat. olivia o'brien so much and it fits saphael perfectly. I think there's also another fic with that song here so yeah it's a saphael song. And I couldn't stand what happened in the season finale so I tried to fix it. Which means if you didn't watch it yet you better stay away from this one.
> 
> Enjoy

Simon stood in front of the hotel Dumort breathing heavily though he knew he didn't need it anymore. He knew it was a risk to come back here after what he did but he had to talk to Raphael, had to at least try to make things right again. However he couldn't just walk in through the front door because Raphael had given the other vampires the order to kill him. So Simon snuck in through the back door where Raphael had once freed him from Camille.

He made it to Raphael's room without seeing anyone else and he felt the urge to sigh in relief but then saw the older vampire lying on his bed. He had his eyes closed and seemed to listen to music through the heaphones he had put in. That explained why he hadn't heard Simon coming. Simon had never seen the clan leader in such a normal situation. He never even thought that Raphael owned such things as headphones.

Suddenly the other boy's body stiffened and he opened his eyes in an instant. Before Simon could even react Raphael had put his hand around Simon's throat, their faces only centimetres away. '

'What are you doing here? Did I not threaten to kill you?'' Raphael hissed putting more pressure on Simon's neck.

''Yes, yes you did. But I need to talk to you. You have to try to understand me.'' The other vampire closed his hand around his throat once again as if to warn him before letting go.

''You look good by the way. I knew that suit always looked better on you.'' Simon commented with a shy smirk because Raphael was wearing the suit he had recently lend him for Alec's wedding.

''You look like shit. Now leave before I change my mind and kill you.'' And it was true Simon hadn't had blood for days and looked like it. Actually since he had to leave the Dumort.

''Please, let me explain. I've known Clary all my life and her mum is basically like family for me too. I had to help I didn't have a choice.'' He knew he sounded desperate but Raphael had to understand that he didn't mean to betray him. He just wanted to help his friends.

''I don't need your explanation. It's always Clary I can't hear that name anymore. This short redhead is all you care about.''

_All alone I watch you watch her She's the only thing you've ever seen_

''And how many times did I help you with her problems? And still you chose to betray us, betray me.''

_Feeling used, but I'm still missing you_

''Tell me Simon, how am I supposed to feel about you freeing Camille?'' His voice was cold and firm. ''I tried so hard to protect you from her, even when you were still a mundane. And the first thing you do is go and free her. Doesn't seem like you appreciated my efforts.''

Simon wanted to say something but stumbled over the words. ''I didn't mean to..I just..I didn't think about how you'd feel'' He admitted eventually.

''That's exactly my point , fledgling.'' Raphale's voice came now from behind Simon but he didn't dare to move.

_You don't care you never did_

_You don't give a damn about me_

''Why are you doing this, Raphael? Why are you making this personal, I didn't do it to hurt you. You could say it was an act of political betrayal. Does that make it better?''

Raphael suddenly looked very tired and took a few steps back from Simon.

_And now all this time Is passing by_

_But I still can't seem to tell you why It hurts me every time I see you_

_Realize how much I need you_

''Because it is personal, idióta. Because I looked after you. Because I trusted you although it usually takes me years if not decades to trust someone. Because I bore your rambling about pop culture I don't even understand for hours.'' He took a deep breath, a habit he usually didn't do aynmore. It made him seem younger and vulnerable. ''Dios, because I loved you.''

''You...what?'' Simon's confusion was visible on his face and he didn't know how to react.

''It doesn't matter, fledgling. You made your decision. And you chose to betray us and to free Camille. Has llevado miedo y muerte a nosotros.'' Simon could hear that his voice was about to break.

''I have no idea what you...'' Simon started but Raphael interrupted him.

''You brought fear and death upon us, Simon. And when she finds me and kills me to get the clan back. Just know that it all comes back to your decision.''

''I never meant for this to happen!'' Simon sounded desperate and he kept running his hand through his already messed up hair.

Raphael's heart ached at this comment because he knew exactly how Simon felt. Those were the exact same words he had used when he had carried Simon's dead body. And with that thought he realised he couldn't do it. He couldn't hate Simon for his decision.

_I hate you I love you_

_I hate that I love you_

_Don't want to, but I can't put Nobody else above you_

Raphael took the taller boys hand to stop him from running it through his hair once again and didn't let go of it.

''Why didn't you tell me that you...you love me ?'' Simon asked as he bend down a bit so that their foreheads touched.

''I just love to be a bit dramatic sometimes.'' He answered smirking.

The other boy smiled and Raphael realised that a small smile from Simon was worth all the pain and suffering. And as Simon's lips touched his he forgot about the circumstances, his past, the future and felt just one thing: Happiness.

**Author's Note:**

> If there were any mistakes feel free to tell me since english is not my first language. Any other kind of comment is welcomed as well so speak your mind my saphael loving friends.


End file.
